My Worst Nightmare!!!!!!!!!!!

Prepare for fire to rain down from the heavens people, as I have just been informed that Halle Berry is releasing an album in the New Year.

I'm frightened Aunty Em, I'm Frightened.

The (so far rumoured) 13 track album from EZ Records is to be released on February 6, 2007. The track listing is as follows.

1) Miss Sexy (God help me it's bad)
2) No Problem
3) Sunshine
4) How You Been? feat. Jamie Foxx (Quickly getting worse)
5) Like That
6) Around
7) Lazy (feat. Lupe Fiasco)
8) Your Love Is Always Good

9) Not Today (I'm Not In The Mood)

10) Write Me

11) Love & Emotions

12) Singing To You

13) Go Left (feat. Bun B. and Timbaland)

Of course I'm not saying that actresses should not be singers as well (some are actually able to pull it off), but the thing is....she'll be everywhere if she is successful, and I can barely put up with her presence in the spotlight as it is. You've made one good film in your career Halle, don't press your luck with me.

Beyonce! Just Admit You're A Bitch!

I would love Beyonce so much more if she would stop acting like the good little God girl with the big voice, and admitted to the world that she has bitchy Diva Moments. In a recent interview amidst the whirlwind of media reports that she is jealous that her Dreamgirls co-star, Jennifer Hudson is getting more attention for the movie than she is, Beyonce said

"I knew that the character that I played wasn't the star...I'm already a star. I already have nine Grammys. Everyone knows I can sing. I wish I could have gained 20 pounds and played Effie."

Nice one B, you just bragged that you were a winner, and then called Jennifer fat. That is the perfect Diva moment. But then she backtracked on our asses by saying

"She was incredible."

Boo, hiss. All I'm looking for is consistency, the same way you consistently made yourself the lead voice on every Destiny's Child song ever written, leaving the other girls with no solo careers to fall back on (seriously, where have Kelly and Michelle been?). Is that too much to ask?

Katie Sits At The Kids Table

Does anyone else find it disturbing that Tom Cruise' daughter Isabella looks almost older (if not a little shorter) than Katie Holmes in this wedding picture? Katie just looks like one of his kids, if it weren't for the wedding dress, you wouldn't even think Katie was the bride in this party. I know that the age difference is hardly a new news subject and I never really gave it two seconds thought since I hate Tom too much to spend absurd amounts of time thinking about him, but when you see a picture like this....

Congrats to the happy couple though. I hope you have a great time jumping up and down on sofa's together.

Dreamgirls Print Ads

I still don't know if I will be going to see the Dreamgirls Movie when it comes out because it has three of my mortal enemies in it, Beyonce (who I'm sort of warming up to since I like quite a few tracks off her latest album), Jamie Foxx (who did one good film and won an Oscar for it, that's bullshit), and Eddie Murphy (who I can only enjoy when he's an animated jackass). But just for the fact that it's Dreamgirls....I may have to see it regardless.

These print ads aren't helping though. The only one that looks good to me is the generic one. *SIGH*! I don't know what to do.

Tom Cruise Is A Butt Plug

I'm not just stating the obvious. Tom Cruise is filing a $50 million lawsuit against sex toy manufacturer Holesome Fun Incorporated over a butt plug which bares his likeness.

The Scientologist who receives regular vitamin K enemas, is reportedly offended by the very idea of a butt plug. Does Xenu not believe in butt plugs? There are far too many ironies in this story for my liking, and to write more than 10 lines about Tom would break my promise with the dark forces so.....

Tyra The Mega Bitch!

Tyra Banks Gone Wild

I don't watch America's Next Top Model (I really should though, and I will start I swear), but I saw a clip of this moment on Entertainment Tonight before it happened, and I nearly died laughing. This is what you get for being a gracious loser. Poor Tiffany, next time you'll know to cry on Tyra's show when you get booted. No other reaction is permitted, now...Cry BITCH!

Ps. Notice how Tyra almost makes this whole thing about her? Too Funny. It's moments like this that make me think twice about hating Tyra lol.

PPS. Favorite Line = "When my Mother yells like this, it's because she loves me." Christ, I'd hate to meet her Mother.

When Teenage Soap Opera Characters Mourn

Okay, I only ever watched the first season of The O.C. Back when Summer was cute, Seth was funny, Ryan was sexy and troubled, and we all wanted Marisa to just fuck off and die. So now, as I've been told, Marisa has granted all of our wishes, dying in this summers season finale. But where does that leave Ryan? The two had a very demented relationship, one minute they were dating, the next they weren't, the minute after that Ryan was a sugar daddy, then Marisa couldn't kick her coke addiction (or something of the sort, as I said I didn't watch the second or third seasons), annoying to keep up with, isn't it folks. But anyway, poor little (grieving) Ryan has ended up where many men who only wear wifebeaters end up.....as a cage fighter.

Is this not the stupidest show on television? Ratings were clearly dwindling down to the nubbin, making the execs say "Lets think of a way to get the girls and the gays back on the train. How about taking Ryan out of the wifebeaters and making him join Fightclub?" Genius! Because we all know that we only saw Fightclub because Brad Pitt was shirtless for pretty much the entire movie. Is he going to sell soap for a living too? Maybe I'm being too sensitive on this subject, but my Dad became a cage fighter when my hamster died, and he realized too late that violence wasn't the answer. You just have to face it.....Fluffy is gone.

My Point = Take up drinking, it's less costly on the face.

Oh Dear God, Why?

Ever have one of those moments that no shower, no matter the duration nor the temperature, could take away? This is definitely one of them. It's like watching the horrible first batch of "American Idol" contestants over and over again. Thank God 90% of pyromaniacs die in self induced household fires.

The Name On Everybody's Lips Is Gonna Be...Ashlee!

Notorious Lip-Synching Pop-tart, Ashlee Simpson is reportedly going to be taking on the role of Roxie Hart in the London stage production of Chicago. Let's hope she has been working on that vocal prowess of hers, because you can't distract the audience with a funky Irish jig, or blame the band if your voice gives out halfway through the show.

Best of luck Ashlee.