Tom Cruise Is A Butt Plug

I'm not just stating the obvious. Tom Cruise is filing a $50 million lawsuit against sex toy manufacturer Holesome Fun Incorporated over a butt plug which bares his likeness.

The Scientologist who receives regular vitamin K enemas, is reportedly offended by the very idea of a butt plug. Does Xenu not believe in butt plugs? There are far too many ironies in this story for my liking, and to write more than 10 lines about Tom would break my promise with the dark forces so.....